How to Love Well
True chemistry is more than intellectual compatibility. Beyond surfaces, you must be intuitively at ease. In my last relationship, I was sick more often than not.
I picked up every cold and virus going around. I felt seriously rundown, overwhelmed, exhausted and depleted. Always pay attention to how you feel around other people. Life can be hard. While all relationships have their fair share of challenges it should not feel like a challenge all of the time. Good relationships, while strengthened through hardship, are nourished by happy times, fun, and laughter — those beautiful memories are what help us to weather the storms when they come.
While there were happy times in my relationship, I also have a lot of memories of nights spent crying myself to sleep and days where I longed to be seen and heard. Just walk away. At the end of the day, you will be judged by your behavior — not your words. Walking away is very powerful.
Debra Davis – Love Is Never Wrong Lyrics | Genius Lyrics
These sorts of responses are both damaging and manipulative. They are designed to shut us down. To have us believe that the problem resides solely in us and not them or the relationship. I know from experience how damaging these statements can be to our mental health and wellbeing.
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It left me feeling like I was going crazy. It left me thinking that there must be something wrong with me. That I was in some way broken. It is so important that when we hear those words being said to us that we do not take them on. That we do not let them inside our hearts and minds as if they were fact. We are not too sensitive or too emotional. We are simply someone who feels things deeply. Someone who has a strong inner voice that alerts us to when someone has crossed a boundary.
While relationships should absolutely be a place we go to give and not get, there needs to be a balance. Mutual give and take is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship and without it resentment can quickly build.
2. Recreate your first date
This was the decision I was left facing earlier this year. While I believe my ex-partner to be a good man at his core, he has a strong scarcity mentality which meant he took from the relationship bucket until there was nothing left.
There will undoubtedly be times in any relationship where one partner is giving more than the other for a variety of reasons but this should not be happening consistently. If we partner with someone who is naturally quite assertive and dominant, and we are not, we need ensure we speak up for ourselves so that one person is not running the relationship. For a relationship to be a fully functioning team, both partners need to be able to have a voice.
Strong relationships are all about mutual support. Sometimes it will be us who is going through a rough time and in need of support and sometimes it will be our partner. I thought this was ridiculous. In my first two relationships the women left me… and I was understandably heartbroken. This pain led to confusion about what love was. I never really thought about limiting how much I loved until I saw what love can do.
Welcome to the club, right? We want the pretty parts of love… but love is ALL the parts. Those who followed, survived. And more importantly, how do we love someone even if our relationship ends? Why does healing have to feel so hard?!
This Quote Is From
As I said before, the painful parts are the love too. Sure, I wanted what was best for them, if it meant me. And them not choosing me had me resentful. It made me angry and caused me to abandon my own heart because they followed theirs. I tried to force a love story with those women, not seeing that if I accepted that truth and let them go in my heart, I would welcome in the woman who was actually part of the story I dreamt of.
When we do we accept and see that maybe being a doctor, having an arranged marriage, being heterosexual, getting divorced, following a different dream, are all okay paths. What does this have to do with people leaving us or relationships ending? We allow their path to be their path. When we allow their path to be their path, we allow our path to be ours as well. Do you see that?
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When we love people for being human, we give ourselves permission to be human too. Unconditional begets unconditional. Firstly, needing to make it make sense is the foundation of building a prison to keep ourselves in. You look at your life as it is today, and you love yourself unconditionally.
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